Being Happier

I honestly didn't know how to start this post........

Every way I tried, I hated. Didn't like, it felt fake, stupid, impersonal, the list in my head literally goes on and on. But I wanted to blog about a topic with a bit more depth and substance to it. Not that this post will have much of either of those, but we are going to try.

Getting started, I guess, I have been known......on occasion to have a shitty attitude towards things. Dare I say a spoiled brat, bitchy mentality. A lot of people in my life have confused this with being pessimistic, I'm not a pessimist, if anything I would say I'm a realist. I attempt to see things from a real point of view, and often that point of view has been  more  on the negative side than positive.

Which does confuse me at times, because I grew up happy, I had a happy childhood, I believe. I was an only child, which is where the spoiled brat comes from, I was a HUGE one and on occasion still can be. I'll be the first to tell you I'm not an easy person to live with. I'm hard headed, stubborn, strong willed, sarcastic, I like to argue. I have a short temper and I'm a little crazy.  If you don't know me, I appear very quiet, reserved, standoffish........I come off as a snob, for lack of a better observation. On the flip side of that, I'm very loyal, funny, passionate, artistic.........but only a hand full of people know this.

 Once people get to know me, their outlook of me changes. The problem there being, I'm extremely selective of who I allow myself to open up to. So very few know me as a person, most only know the woman that comes off quiet and standoffish.

Honestly this doesn't bother me, if I want you to think differently of me or I happen to care how you view me, if you view me in a negative light, I'll attempt to change it, cut and dry. Otherwise, I pay no mind to it.

There were instances in my life, events, relationships that left me feeling like I wasn't deserving of happiness. Slowly coming to terms in a sense, that there would always be this immense void, never to be filled. 

I've struggled with that for most of my adult life

However, deep down, I have this need, desire, whatever label you want to put on  it.......to be happier.

I yearn for it........

I believe we all want to be happier to some extent. Everyone's extents being smaller or larger than everyone else's. Sure we all have hidden our unhappiness at some point or another in our lives to save face. But being genially happier is what I want. I don't want to pretend to be happier then what I actually am. I just want to be that level of happy naturally. 

You have to be proactive when trying to be happier, trust me, happiness isn't going to decide to show up one day.

I had to start somewhere, my approach was simple yet has been effective.....

Going back to church, 

Reading books about fine tuning your marriage, corny as that sounds 

Being aware of how I talk to people, adjusting my tone has helped eminently.

Finding joy in small things

Being Grateful

Most importantly, learning to like/love myself

I started doing these few small things and slowly began to see my husband  take notice and steadily follow suite, and if that helps him in being happier, well that's a win-win to me. 

It's not just about me being happier either, this is going to affect my husband and my children tremendously . My being happier is going to benefit them just as much as it does me.

Like so many, I'm a work in progress. And I've learned to be okay with that.

Happiness can be found in the smallest actions, Allow yourself to be open to it 

Your journey to happiness has to start with you...........